So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
