Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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