i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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