Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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