guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
