do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
