you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
