WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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