dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
