I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
