R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
