I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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