I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
