i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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