I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
