Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
