dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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