im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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