Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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