Will you blow on my dice?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
