At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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