It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
