I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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