you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
