I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
