does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
