i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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