oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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