You're completely useless in the revolution.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
