the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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