I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
