I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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