I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
