you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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