I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
