Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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