Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
