You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
