I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
