yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
