I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize