and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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