I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
