I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
