Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had to cum in my sink.
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