I just saw a hot homeless man
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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