The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
