I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize