to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
