Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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