When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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