what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
