So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
