I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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