Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drunk is not a location!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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