My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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