Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
