So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
