yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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