Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
