you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
