dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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