I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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