i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
