Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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